PRAISE ME?

I’m not interested in a capitalist compliment.

I’ve been reading Mindfulness on the Go by Jan Chozen Bays and reading the chapter about compliments. I’m curious why certain compliments make me feel weird and awkward.

I guess I don’t love how people compliment.

Trust me, I’m not shying away from getting a compliment on physical appearance or intellect, but I know these are fleeting attributes that I can’t control - genes and what’s currently “in.”

Example, when I was in middle school having straight hair, being skinny, and wanting to be white was in. Now, curly hair, curves, and being a person of color is in.

I think that’s why certain compliments feel weird because they’re actually just products of advertisements, marketing, and consumerism. Which ever company has the best marketing campaign and biggest budget, is what is impacting what is deemed

beautiful,

trending,

necessary.

These marketing agencies know the the potency of insecurity.

—

I’m not interested in a capitalist compliment.

I want to know how I made you feel.

How is my presence positively impacting you? Did I make your life 5% better? How did my support make you feel?

I want to be complimented on my essence, but it’s so vulnerable.

It’s being witnessed

and I’m still learning how.

Media doesn’t want us to be witnessed — it just wants us to witness it, submit to it, and become addicted to it.

Capitalism and consumerism doesn’t care about our essence, because,

essence

doesn’t rise and fall based on a trend.

Essence just is.

My essence is anti capitalist.

— a lesson for me too.